As I was considering how I wanted to create my blog, I started to think about all of the wisdom that I could share and what others would want to hear. I wanted to offer insight and answers with a cheeky insider voice. It occurred to me that the couch in a therapy office has probably heard and seen it all!
“I wonder how I can have a better marriage?”…the answer is here! “I’m struggling with balancing my life”…take a seat and get in balance. We are going to explore what you would hear if you were seated on the couch and needed to know more about overcoming challenges, improving relationships, and achieving your goals!
This blog is going to be focused on offering you the best advice on all things relational from the perspective of the iconic therapy sofa. You can always come to the couch and to me when you are seeking a lift in your day or clue to solving your problem. The secrets to a good life and healthy relationships are about to be revealed…
Sincerely,
Ashley
Has anyone ever asked you “what were you thinking?” when you did something wrong? It is a common phrase with parents and partners. I bet half the time the immediate answer is “I don't know” and maybe you don't know what you were exactly thinking. The couch has seen this many times… reactions without awareness of thought.
The breath is the signal to the brain that the threat is going away and the body can relax. The brain can engage and new ways of thinking and problem solving can begin. The best way to make this process more effective is to actually practice when you are already calm. In doing this, the body creates a connection or association in the brain that breath = calm.
Effective communication is an art that requires intentional action and motivation. The couch knows that this is a learned skill that takes time to develop if it does not come naturally to the individual or couple. The great thing about behavioral patterns is that they can be changed…you are not stuck in a place where you will continually make the same mistakes if you take the time and effort to change.
The solution is a mature parent or partner that is relatively accessible and consistent in being responsive. In those moments of being accessible, the message is that "I care about you and am here for you". You have given someone special in you life an All Access Pass.
As we embrace the messy parts of ourselves in a setting where the authentic and imperfect self can be seen and accepted...the process of therapy begins to work. It is in a safe place with an unbiased person that allows someone to take off the mask that covers up the imperfections. It's in those moments where healing happens. As we let someone else know those parts, you find that you begin to experience the comfort of being truly known.
Shallow love does not require much from within ourselves. Shallow love seeks to be filled up at the expense of another. Have you ever tried running a long distance? A sprint is easy but a marathon takes endurance and expends energy. The reward at the end is knowing that you did not quit and pushed through to victory. Love with endurance and depth requires a deeper sacrifice from within.
The “friend zone” has many benefits to the establishment and growth of a fruitful relationship. One major benefit is time and consistency. The benefit is seeing if the foundation is as solid as it appears to be. Is that person really who you saw the first time you met them? Are they who you are truly looking for? Are they growing and seeking after God? If the foundation of friendship is stable, trust is established. Trust proves that each person can be real and transparent with the other.
